In the wake of Coronavirus’ spread across the globe, with a man and wife confirmed to be infected in Toronto, the UTM campus is gripped by the fear of its spread at school.

The HCC is preparing their defense against the spread of the virus. After dealing with the mental health issues plaguing the student body, HCC staff says treating a deadly and infectious virus is a walk in a quarantined park.

In order to help students, cope with the Coronavirus, students are able to redeem 1 (one) lime after presenting their T-Card. Lime retrieval times are between 18:20 and 19:20 every century. Therapy dogs in Hazmat suits are available to help students destress with the mounting pressure of possible looming death and upcoming midterms.

For students seeking to reduce the chance of infection, the HCC is only providing their usual affair of condoms and dental dams, but students seeking surgical masks are encouraged to seek out recently reopened SPIRIT Halloween stores, as their left over Halloween masks have been reduced in wake of the virus. Who knows, maybe a pennywise mask could be the difference between life and death.

We caught up with a few UTM students to hear how they are coping with the hysteria. Julie Sanders, a fourth-year religion major, sees the Coronavirus as a blessing: “I’ve been looking for an excuse to not go to class and avoid the gym, and it looks like my prayers have been answered. Thank you, Jesus.” Greg Clink, a business management student, is taking the virus into his own hands. “I looked online and it said that alcohol and heat beat the virus, so I’ll be in the RAWC sauna getting my Corona on if anyone wants to bring snacks”

Be sure to take it easy this cold & flu & epidemic season, it could be your last!

Leave a reply

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here