In the digital age of dating, where your love life hinges on a single swipe or like, it can be hard to find the everlasting love we all crave. That’s why UTM’s Centre for Student Engagement is pivoting from getting students involved on campus to getting students involved with each other.
“The new Centre for Student Engagements really came out of the crippling loneliness that UTM students always complain about.” Valerie Tine, Head of Matchmaking, explained to The Medium. “We encouraged them to talk to people in their classes and ask people out on dates, but they’re about as successful as a Ryerson students’ union. That’s why we are cutting to the chase and helping students find love on campus.”
The Centre for Student Engagements already has a success story under their belt with Nunib Ajjad* and his faithful wife and former boss, Mour Salideeb*, proving that romance is alive everywhere, even in a lackluster and underwhelming students’ union.
“We had been dating for a while before I decided to hire him, but it was love at first sight of the contract,” Salideeb shared. “It was such a whirlwind romance. We were wed in the Davis food court, honeymooned at the principal’s residence, and made love in the forensic cottage. That’ll give them ample fluids to study.”
“It was such a beautiful wedding,” she continued. “All of my other employees attended the wedding party, and Meric Gertler DJ’d our reception. I’ve never seen anyone do the worm like that man.”
“People like to hate us, but they’re just jealous of our love and the pay cheques that come out of students’ tuition,” Ajjad told The Medium.
We asked the couple how they keep the passion alive in a bureaucratic environment, to which Ajjad responded, “The most romantic thing my wife ever did was give me a job. Do you know how much you have to love someone to be able to work with them?”
Salideeb offered her own advice for a successful marriage: “Romance and relationships are all about compromise. Sometimes he’s the dom and I’m the sub, sometimes I’m the boss and he’s the employee. It’s all about give and take. Like, I’ll give him a job and then I’ll take it for myself! When I’m faced with conflicts in my relationship, especially ones of interest, I find the best way to resolve them is to just ignore them and hope no one brings them up.
“I may be pushing my mid-twenties and still working at a students’ union, but the love keeps me young.” She continued. “He’s in the labour union now, which is perfect. Love is labour. The two of us put the ‘union’ in civil union.”
For students unable to hire the loves of their life, the Centre for Student Engagements is proud to introduce new workshops focused on facilitating long lasting relationships. The “I Don’t Hate Your Mom, I Just Don’t Like Her” workshop will teach you how to avoid getting dragged to your significant other’s family events without being sent to the dog house, while “Sharing a Bed 101” and “This Shower Ain’t Big Enough for the Two of Us” give students the skills to share intimate spaces and learn how to conceal their farts from their loved ones.
For gentlemen struggling to please the women in their lives, head down to CC1080 for a workshop on “Cliteracy,” which should help you push your girls’ buttons in just the right way.
*Names have been changed to protect the sanctity of marriage.
I would rather have UTM fire Professor Lee Bailey to keep the students more happy and less depressed than creating this BS Centre for student’s engagement LOL…
Reading this was such a waste of time. I cant believe Im paying for garbage content. You should really invest your time in something more productive.