Note from the Editor: in keeping with tradition, the issue closest to April 1  features at least one article meant as an April’s Fools joke. This was our article this year. Despite its jocular nature,  large disclaimer on page 2, exaggerated facts, ironical references, and the fact that the author’s picture depicts the same man as in the article’s photograph,  many readers thought this was a real event.

This man is wanted in relation to the UTM deer slaughter. If you have any information regarding this tragedy, please contact the Deer Hotline at (905) 828-5379. Photo courtesy Mary Taneka

Last Sunday, campus police found the remains of a deer lying on the Five Minute Walk. The stag, which the Mississauga zoo once tagged as “Rutherford,” was missing chunks of flesh from its flanks. Police believe Rutherford was slaughtered for its meat, and that the person(s) responsible for the murder fled the location to avoid capture when a student happened upon the scene.

Following a police investigation, a residence student produced a picture of an adult male wielding a santoku knife as he stalked a deer in the UTM woodlot. Mary Takeda, a fourth-year Scatology major, said she did not hand the picture to the police because she thought it was a harmless prank.

“I was standing at the window of my room at OPH when I saw him,” said Takeda, who took the picture last Monday. “He looked very creepy and had a big knife, so I got my camera and snapped a pic, but it didn’t occur to me that he actually wanted to kill the deer.”

Police have asked The Medium to release the picture, hoping that someone on campus will recognize the as-of-yet unidentified male.

At the beginning of the semester, police received an anonymous letter addressing the high expense and low availability of food at UTM.

“I will have no choice but to do what it takes for me to eat,” wrote the author(s). “And beware: I’m not alone. I know others feel as desperate as I do. Some of us have hunting experience and some of us don’t. But it doesn’t matter. We can only afford so much chicken and so many hotdogs.”

Constable Ness of the UTM campus police said they initially disregarded the letter. But when the squirrel population at UTM diminished rapidly over the last few weeks, investigators began suspecting that the letter wasn’t a prank after all.

“We took a few preliminary steps,” said Constable Ness, but he refused to provide more information on what those steps were.

Constable Ness also said that the campus police will double their efforts to investigate the letter and the anonymous man after they discovered Rutherford’s remains. They have begun questioning members of the Facebook group “Deer Hunters of UTM,” and the one hunter-gatherer student at UTM, Grubh Chefanana, a native of Ladonia.

Biology Professor William Cody denies the police did enough to prevent Rutherford’s murder.

“Deer have been roaming around the woodlot and the Five Minute Walk far much more frequently
the last four or five days,” said Professor Cody, who also runs the National Deer Foundation. “It’s obvious that someone has been baiting them.”

Professor Cody said he doubted students would hunt deer because they can’t afford food at UTM.

“They may want to sell the meet to local restaurants instead,” said the Professor. “And the antlers can fetch quite a sum of money as well. If this is what I think it is, I’m actually afraid for my life. I certainly don’t want to fight the UTM
Deer Butchers.”

If you have any information or believe you might have seen the anonymous man, please contact the Deer Hotline at (905) 828-5379.

1 comment

  1. On March 29th, The Medium published an article “Deer slaughtered on Five Minute Walk” on the cover with a photoshopped picture of a deer in a forest with someone, whom I assume is Editor-in-Chief Alain Latour, in the background holding a knife. Even though this is an April Fools joke, as alluded to by the statement on the second page, “The joke’s on you-we mean about the cover”, it is a horrific joke and is made in poor taste.
    Reading the article, made me feel disgusted and I could not believe that anyone would kill a Deer on our campus. I questioned the legitimacy of the article, given the high-quality of a photo that was supposedly shot out of a window at OPH and that the reference to a “Deer Hunters of UTM” Facebook group, which does exist, but is open to the University of Tennessee Martin not to University of Toronto Mississauga.
    I seriously hope that The Medium will publish a retraction of this horrible piece of “journalism” that not only damages the credibility of The Medium but of all student-run media. I also wish to raise the issue of your erroneous weather “report” on the front page.

  2. Peter,

    It’s either a joke or a “horrible” piece of
    journalism, but not both. I thought it was hilarious. It makes reference to the food situation on campus but does not condone or promote hunting ( whether hunting is bad on its own is a matter of opinion). The article displayed no gory pictures, and frankly, comes across right away as a joke. I wonder how on earth some people actually bought this. Scatalogy major? Native of Ladonia? Deer hotline? How about that photoshopped pic for God’s sake?

    As for the weather, doesn’t the disclaimer on page 2 say that the cover is a joke?

  3. For those who has been easily intimidated by such a hilarious article, you are exactly what The Joker (who always uses psychology as his primary weapon) talked about all his time in The Dark Knight film: Why so serious?

  4. This is a funny article. Relax people. Some of you can’t take a joke. It really made me laugh this morning–and I needed that.

  5. I noticed that it looked exactly like the editor too. A really desperate attempt of an April Fools joke. Seriously, not cool.

  6. Oh Alain, you look very menacing indeed in that shot, lol. But soory man THAT’S NOT HOW YOU STALK A DEER!! LOL

    @ Steve… Speaking of which, do you know how I got these scars?

  7. This is disgusting, not even a little funny. Do the editors at the Medium have nothing better to write about?

  8. Comment deleted due to a violation of The Medium’s terms of use, subsection (a) you will not provide any content or conduct yourself in any way that may be construed as: unlawful; illegal; threatening; harmful; abusive; harassing; stalking; tortious; defamatory; libelous; vulgar; obscene; offensive; objectionable; pornographic; designed to interfere with or disrupt the operation of this web site or any service provided; infected with a virus or other destructive or deleterious programming routine; giving rise to civil or criminal liability; or in violation of an applicable local, national or international law)

  9. I’m franky appalled at the reaction of some of these posters. You guys remind of the vegetarians who recently pepper sprayed the author of a book on why he had begun eating meat again. It’s ok to think something’s funny. But there’s no need to get emotional and call people names.

  10. isn’t this “wanted man” the author of the article?
    April’s fool is nerve racking and a disturbing tradition. I wish one day it would get banned from Canada.