Dear Karen,

I saw you the other day at Walmart, actually. While I was forced to wear a mask for five continuous hours each shift, I am glad such silly requirements didn’t impede your 10-minute grocery trip. I know how important it is to buy your child healthy snacks for school; we wouldn’t want them to get sick! Speaking of, your poor child must have to endure the most irritating policy of wearing a mask all day at school just because some people are afraid of an overblown virus. I mean, really, people die from the flu each year. Of course, Covid-19 has a death toll of more than one million people worldwide … but that’s not the point. 

It’s funny because when you first entered our store, you had the mask on almost correctly. It didn’t cover your nose, but hey, at least it covered one out of two of your orifices! That’s a passing mark of 50 per cent, Karen! I can’t blame you though. How else were you supposed to breathe? Honestly, all those “experts” and “doctors” don’t know what they’re talking about when they say masks don’t obstruct breathing! They might breathe in carbon dioxide like the devil, but I only put the sweet air of the city in my lungs.  

I also really admire how you scolded another retail worker who had the gall to try and enforce the mask-wearing by-law on you. Don’t they understand that this is a free country? You didn’t achieve your middle-class lifestyle easily, I mean, you did have to settle for Brian after all. We can agree that the only good thing to come out of this fuss are the CERB cheques. You can finally get those yoga pants you wanted! 

Anyways, Karen, I just want you to know how completely I support you in your fight against the “plandemic” and freedom destroyers like Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer, Dr. Theresa Tam. You keep fighting to get the province reopened, and maybe we’ll soon be able to go shopping at that cute boutique store that’s always packed. Until then, my dear Karen, keep your hair short, your phone at the ready, and your indignation high. I’ll see you soon at the barbeque this weekend with the other six families. 


Everyone else. 

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