As the coronavirus pandemic continues to spread around the world, the University of Toronto has decided to cancel all in-person classes, labs, exams and events; as well as close down all three of its campuses until further notice.
All classes have now moved online, where professors and teaching assistants will try their best to provide an education worth thousands of dollars, as they try to figure out how to unmute themselves during a video call or have students respond in the comments to their questions.
Of course, teachers aren’t the only ones who are struggling with the change. Students now have very real problems that they have to contend with, such as combating severe boredom, eating all the quarantine snacks in one go, and finding any shred of motivation to do any kind of work while wrapped in a blanket and wearing no pants.
To help students get through this difficult time—and to retain that illustrious student life at UTM—the university is now offering students a chance to continue their university life online via The Sims.
The Sims’ UTM pack will include all the quintessential UTM experiences, such as the phantom-like WIFI that will cut out during the most crucial times, unreliable elevator services that will strand you in between floors for up to four hours, stressful class schedules, uneventful student events, and of course student clubs that encompass every kind of interest from ethnicity to ideology.
Faculty and staff will also be in the game to guide you through your virtual university experience and cause your sim to have generalized anxiety. If your sim becomes very overwhelmed, the game will prompt them to seek mental health support. Once you decide to seek mental health services for your sim, you will be put on a virtual waiting list that spans months, to simulate a true UTM experience.
For graduating students, after working hard for years to reach your graduation and celebrate with your friends and family, the ceremony will now last just three minutes and will have your sim throw their graduation cap into the sky for it to never return. This allows you to spend the rest of your time partying with your virtual sim family, or, more realistically, contemplating your future as you stare into the abyss of uncertainty.
So, if you find yourself refreshing your feed for the fifth time or shaking your head at the current state of the world, know that UTM has your back. And that you can go back to a simpler time where all you had to worry about was global warming, or Justin Trudeau’s new beard, or the inescapable passage of time that eventually strips humanity of all it holds dear and erodes us till we are no more than blips in an ever-expanding universe.
For now, however, enjoy your time at home, and remember to appreciate the little things in life, like a professor’s dog in the corner of the frame, or the ability to finally read that book you couldn’t get to.
