Kindles disgust me, and so do iPads with their misplaced little “i” and inability to make phone calls. Part of the reason is sour grapes from the price, but another part is the sheer decadence of the technology: it costs $200 to (badly) imitate something humans have been making for the past 7,000 years.
But still, I can’t blame Kindle users that much. It’s hard to carry around a real book in everyday life. If I want to bring a nice hardcover on the bus with me downtown, I have to hold it in my hands, like a buffoon. If it’s winter my hands will get cold. If it’s summer my book will get sweaty. Because of my incredible amounts of testosterone I can’t use a purse, and I don’t want to carry around a backpack just to hold a book inside.
Which is why I invented the book holster: a device made to slip between a belt and dangle comfortably from the wearer’s waist. These holsters can carry any size of book, mostly because you have to make them yourselves to your own specifications. I want to encourage good style as much as I want to encourage good reading, so I drew up a list of instructions with pictures on how to make them. Happy reading.
By the way, don’t mistake this article for irony in any way. I use these things all the time.
Step 1: Take a strip of tape and wrap it around something with the sticky side facing out. You should create a solid loop of tape. This’ll form the main body of your holster, so make sure that the loop you make is big enough to fit your book through. In this photo, I’ve just used the roll of tape to make my loop.
Step 2: Take a second strip of tape and neatly wrap it, sticky side in, around the loop you just made. This will create a loop that won’t stick to anything – not books or pants or anything.
Step 3: Repeat steps 1 and 2 to get a second loop of tape.
Step 4: This part requires some dexterous fingers: line up the two loops you’ve created and space them far apart enough to hold the full length of your book. Slip down another strip of tape –sticky side facing out — to connect them together. Then take the strand of tape and let it wind back, connecting the other two sides of the loops together. This should turn your two loops into a sort of pouch or pocket. Test it out by putting your book in it.
Step 5: Create the smaller loops that’ll let you wear your new holster on your belt. Take the same steps you used in 1 and 2, except make smaller loops about as wide as three of your fingers. While making these loops, sandwich the first loop between the tape-strands of your belt-loops.
Step 6: Wear your book holster. Wear it with pride. You’re like Clint Eastwood now, except with Michael Crichton instead of a lasso.
