After years of conflict, the UTM Campus Christian groups have successfully tried the Quidditch team for witchcraft. The two groups have always had their fair share of quarrels, but the rivalry between the two campus groups sky-rocketed during 1618. While the Christian group is trying the Quidditch team, the People-of-Colourful-Magic would like to remind the public of the mass burnings during The Thirty Years’ War.

“The team captain is a total witch,” said Christian group leader and third-year theology and Spanish major, Jesus Christ.

Quidditch Captain, Angelina Johnson quickly responded to the insult saying, “If I’m a witch, Jesus is a mud-blood!”

Despite the Quidditch team’s efforts, they were found guilty of witchcraft, heresy, and being virgins. 

The Quidditch team were stripped of their wands, and their brooms were returned to UTM’s custodial closet.

The Quidditch team’s members are set to be burned at the stake on the North Field this Friday at 6:00 p.m. The UTMSU is proud to provide s’mores for a toonie.

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