The University of Toronto parking office, the most beloved section of campus administration, is proud to announce a new method of capitalizing on the student experience. Starting next semester, the parking office will offer students the ability to purchase spots in-line around campus.

The Medium spoke to Carson Lotte, the head of the parking office, about the new initiative. “We are all about helping students get to where they are trying to go, and after we oversold all of our parking spots we realized we had more opportunities to force students to pay hundreds of dollars for smaller spaces. Why wait half an hour in the registrar line when you can pay hundreds of dollars to wait ten minutes?”

The new plan would give students the opportunity to cut to the front of lines all across campus. The basic plan, which would allow students to jump to the mid-to-front sections of any line on campus, would affect the queues of lines including but not limited to: Subway/Quesada, Tim Hortons, the women’s washroom on the first floor of IB, the Deerfield Café, and the line to exit the Blind Duck Pub.

The parking office is also offering a premium plan, which would allow students the ability to cut immediately to the front of any line and give students the ability to punch one professor of their choice in the face.

“I used to always go to Tim Hortons on my commute,” one student commented, “because the line in Davis is always outrageously long, but with my new in-line pass from the parking office I’m always third in line! Definitely worth the hundreds of dollars just to get my lukewarm dirt water a little quicker.”

Premium “front of the line” spots start at $500 per year in a locked five-year contract, while normal spots in line, ranging from third to seventh in line, start at $325 a semester.

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