After standing in line for three hours to schedule an appointment with a Student Success representative at the Office of the Registra , U of T President Meric Gertler was denied student services aimed at low-income students due to a burdensome salary of $400,000.

“Just because I make $400,000 doesn’t give these posers the right to discriminate against me,” an embarrassed Gertler had to say.

We caught up with a peer mentor who aided Gertler with his study plan. “I can understand [Gertler’s] frustration. It was very difficult for me to schedule his golf games in so they wouldn’t overlap with his me-time.”

Gertler reportedly ran from the Registrar’s Office in shame, shouting things like “I deserve equal treatment” and “student services are inaccessible.”

The President is now blonde and lobbying the university administration for better, more accessible mental health services.

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