Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Satire

Students fight back after receiving bad letters of recommendation

Professors have been given a taste of their own medicine as students have resorted to using the website ratemyprofessor.com to air out their own grievances in...

Profs issue really honest letters of recommendation to students

Reality checks have spread across campus as professors have taken to writing completely honest letters of recommendation for their students. “The fact that I have bad body...

UTM Beavertail truck found to be most useful method for preventing...

The mental stability of University of Toronto Mississauga students hinges on the presence of one shining beacon: the Beavertail truck. “I’ll be walking to my sociology lecture,...

UTM Parking Office to sell spots in-line

The University of Toronto parking office, the most beloved section of campus administration, is proud to announce a new method of capitalizing on the student experience....

Goat yoga was an inside job

On the cover of the November 4 issue of The Medium, a goat rests upon the back of a smiling older lady. The latest viral fitness craze,...

Boomer makes messy roommate for Greta

Greta Thunberg has landed herself scholarships at notable universities like Harvard and Yale, thanks to her noble climate activism, but Thunberg has decided to attend UTM...

UTMSU haunted house filled with turkeys

The UTMSU is under fire for their haunted house being too frightening to bare. Last week, the students’ centre hosted many spooky scares, but students were...

U of T makes concerted effort to move suicides off campus

In lieu of recent tragedies, the University of Toronto plans to create a safe environment on campus by moving suicides off the premises. Turning to the...

Students resort to eating babies

In a twist not even Jonathon Swift would have seen coming, it seems many out-of-work Master’s and Ph.D. students have taken to eating babies.  This peculiar practise...

Satire editor elaborate front for shitty content

Ever since the recent introduction of The Medium’s Satire section, rumours about the supposed identity of the Satire Editor have spread around campus. The existence of Gordon...

UTM Quidditch team tried for witchcraft

After years of conflict, the UTM Campus Christian groups have successfully tried the Quidditch team for witchcraft. The two groups have always had their fair share...

Five never-before used costumes for Halloween

For all those shawtys with a screwed up back, you too can flex your curved spine by dressing as a skeleton with scoliosis. No longer the...

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