“New Year, New Me,” says exact same student from last semester

For some, the dawn of a new decade and a new year often incites an urge to change, and at the University of Toronto Mississauga students across campus are flaunting their new commitments to themselves.

For those focusing on improving their academics, the start of a new semester is the perfect time to become the star student of your dreams. One second-year student told The Medium, “Last semester, I had so much trouble finding the motivation to go to class. It was impossible to go more than a week without skipping at least once. But this is a new year, and a new semester. This week, I went to every single class. Sure, the tutorials don’t start till next week, and I just scrolled through reddit during all my lectures, but still. New me.”

The Medium also spoke to second-year visual culture major, Cynthia Smith, “I absolutely hate talking in my classes, but after looking at my participation grades from last semester, I knew I had to make more of an effort to speak up in my tutorials. So today, I raised my hand high, and confidently told the TA that the PowerPoint wasn’t appearing on the projector. It was exhilarating. 4.0 here I come!”

New year’s resolutions involving fitness are often the most popular, with the RAWC and Athletic facilities seeing a large increase in gym-goers. One gym patron waiting to use a squat machine told The Medium, “My new year’s resolution was to go to the gym five times a week. Before the new year, I had maybe gone five times in the past three years. But now, it’s like I live here. It helps since I’m technically homeless, but still.”

The Medium caught up with another gym-goer while she was lingering on the upper-level running track. “My resolution is to find a boyfriend. It’s been my resolution for several years, but I’m taking it up a notch in 2020. This running track gives me the perfect view of the dudes lifting weights and the dudes working on their assignments in the lobby. I’m a simple girl. I like brains and brawn.” When questioned as to whether she had any goals on self-improvement, she asked, “Why would I need to improve myself?”

Resolutions involving personal health are also popular. In one of the designated smoking areas, Pete Myer, a third-year computer science major told The Medium of his recent resolutions. “In 2019, my goal was to stop smoking cigarettes, so I started Juuling. I thought it was the safer alternative. Now all I see are news reports about vaping illnesses, so my 2020 resolution is to quit vaping and go back to cigarettes. They would never hurt me.”

Another smoker also chimed in, “Last year, I smoked way too much weed. I always had the munchies, so I’d binge. I’d just lay on my couch all day playing video games. In 2020, I plan on becoming an alcoholic. It’s much more social. I’m trying to come out of my shell.”

Leave a reply

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here