After realizing that joining the quidditch team and model UN wasn’t cool enough to befriend UTM students, U of T President Meric Gertler has begun sitting alone in the lunch room in Davis with headphones in, arriving late to lectures, and skipping tutorials to smoke legalized marijuana in the forest near OPH.

“I’m a first year student, double majoring in philosophy and poli-sci, but I took a gap year to understand myself, so I really should be in second year. But you gotta take your own path in life, not the path your parents force you to take,” Gertler said before starting another game of Hearthstone.

“Lil Peep, Gunna, Juice WRLD,   RIP X,” Gertler blurted out abruptly.

With six of six covered counselling sessions exhausted in the HCC, Gertler has joined the student movement and can be found standing outside of Queens Park demanding the Ontario government give him free post-secondary education, better mental health services, and Hearthstone card packs from the Saviour of Uldum Expansion.

Leave a reply

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here