Campus Conservatives took a stance over reading week in hopes of advocating their right to free speech. This past week, dozens of conservatives and a girl gathered in the Blind Duck Pub to protest the wave of censorship on campus. To their dismay, the conservatives weren’t met with any opposition from far-left campus organizations such as ANTIFA and the UTMSU.
Conservative President Ethan Bryant took to the Blind Duck stage. “Is it just me or, or is it getting crazy out there?” Conservatives cheered for their leader as he continued. “All I have are negative thoughts. I used to think my life was a tragedy but now I realize it’s a comedy!” As Ethan Bryant departed the podium he raised his arm high and saluted his fellow conservatives and the girl who attended. They cheered and saluted Ethan Bryant as he walked off stage.
“He’s just quoting the Joker movie,” a student standing in the Chatime line said. “It’s like the white person’s Black Panther.”
The Medium spoke to another student in line who said the Conservatives were making up the free speech problem in their heads. “There aren’t any rules that tell us we can’t say certain words at UTM. They’re just censoring themselves, which isn’t really a thing.”
Now fully delusional, Conservative students have been reportedly scratching circles in their desks, counting the number of tiles on the ceiling, and drawing pro-Israel propaganda around campus with their blood in an effort to protest censorship on campus.