St. Patty is not who you thought he was

St. Patrick’s Day is upon us (assuming you’re reading this on Monday) and students can hardly wait to paint their faces with shamrocks and down pitcher after pitcher of green beer. St. Patrick’s Day is the one day when all the sexy Irish men roam the bars with their accents (Lord help me) and drink everyone under the table—literally the only reason I go to the pubs on St. Patty’s.

But despite the fact that St. Patrick’s Day has essentially grown into a drunken monster of a holiday, there is so much to it that you probably don’t know. And probably should know. Because your life has been a lie until now.

First of all, the colour associated with St. Patty wasn’t green; historians believe it was blue. And considering historians have most likely done more research on the topic than you have, St. Patrick’s colour was probably what they say it is. So try not to paint your body green before hitting the bars tonight and bask smugly in the knowledge that everyone in green is wrong.

Second, before you give the Irish accent your best shot tonight (you might want to cut that out), St. Patrick wasn’t even Irish. His parents were Roman citizens living in Scotland (or Wales—scholars don’t really know). But he definitely wasn’t Irish.

Third, something most people in their early 20s are happy is over: St. Patrick’s Day was a dry holiday until 1970.  Because St. Patrick’s Day was a religious observance, no booze was allowed. And all the pubs were closed. Thank God that’s over, am I right?

Oh, and St. Patrick’s name wasn’t Patrick. Not even close, actually. He changed it from Maewyn Succat when he became a priest. So, a happy Maewyn Succat Day to you, too.

Also, the shamrock isn’t the symbol of Ireland; the harp is. So maybe paint one of those on your face before you go anywhere tonight.

Anyways, there you have it—St. Patrick’s Day facts thrown in your face. So dress in blue, sport a Scottish accent, and play a harp. Or you could always use these facts to win stuff for yourself, “Hey. I bet you a beer that St. Patty’s colour is blue.” Then, when they Google it, boom! Free beer. You’re welcome.

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