Oh, it’s on. parco.ca

You find yourself tied to a chair in an empty apartment, your assailant having left you there to starve or be devoured by local housecats. Whatever will you do? First, don’t panic! You need to remember this helpful article that you had the good fortune to read. Follow the instructions below, and your escape will be relatively painless and quicker than 007’s!

The first thing you must remember when someone is tying you up is to make yourself as big as possible. Puff up your chest, stick out your belly (if you have one), and flex every muscle possible. Once you are alone, you can “deflate” yourself, relax your body, and suck your gut back in. Your assailant will have compensated with too much rope, leaving you crucial wiggle room. When your captor is tying your wrists, be sure to make fists and hold them together side by side—not palm to palm. This also lends you much more room to slide your hands free. Watch out for rope burn.

Once your hands are free and the bonds around your torso are loose, the rest is easy. Simply slip your limbs out and lift the coiled rope over your head. Done!

Unless… what if you forgot to heed the previous advice and your captor tied your wrists and legs really tight—like, digging into your skin, cutting off circulation, tight? No need to worry, Mr. Bond, you aren’t beaten yet!

If your bonds are too tight (not that your captor cares if you’re comfortable) there is another mode of escape. Toes! Yes, toes. And hopping. Not to be vague and leave you tied there all confused, I’ll elaborate. Place your toes, or whatever part of your foot that is free, on the floor and push. You may only move a couple inches at a time, so combine it with as much of a hop as you can manage. Push and hop your way to the kitchen (assuming you’ve been carelessly left nearby), or wherever scissors are kept.

Position yourself parallel to the drawers. Lean over and grasp the knob or handle with your teeth. Now is not the time to be germophobic! Pull it open. Spot the scissors. Grab another nearby utensil, such as a whisk, with your teeth, and hook its handle through the loop on the scissors. Gently lift them up and drop them into your lap. Now, lean forward and grasp the scissors with your teeth, swivel around, and let them fall into your bound hands. Be very careful not to cut yourself! Use your fingertips to operate the scissors and cut the cord that connects your hands to your feet. The rope around your feet will loosen and you can wiggle out.

Even though your hands are still tied around your back, you’re free of the chair and can successfully make your escape! James would be proud.

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