Picture this. Its 1991 and the world is reversed. Instead of endorsing Jell-O, Bill Cosby is pawning K&Y jelly to the youth of Philadelphia. Will Smith is a sidekick and DJ Jazzy Jeff is playing the Newport Folk Festival in support of his new Dixieland-inspired record, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Jazzsters Do Pee Wee Herman. He is booed off-stage because he refuses to play his turntables, instead using the horn section from Milton Browns Musical Brownies to make all the cuts. He later gets his ass kicked by aliens in Independence Day, the biggest Hollywood bust since Sinatra played a woman in Moonlit Night. Biggie Smalls decided to continue through high school and is currently preparing his masters dissertation on the potlatch ceremonies of the Tlingit clan members. Nas moved from the Queensbridge housing projects years ago and now lives in a quaint Brooklyn brownstone. He is also a secretary at a vets office and sings traditional religious hymns at Bar Mitzvahs for a minimal fee. He takes night classes to become a pastry chef.

Where would we be right now?

Instead of brushing off his shoulders, Jay-Z is brushing the dirt of his 99 Cars dealership floor. He goes home to visit his babys momma Star Jones, who has expanded threefold over the course of multiple pregnancies. They run a candlemaking business on the side just for fun. Kanye doesnt raise the Roc but raises his arm to change lightbulbs—part of his apprenticeship to become an electrician. He is a proud member of the local YMCAs spider solitaire team. Run DMC has a newly released recording featuring Kenny Chesney. After becoming the new spokes group for Passion Flakies, all three have developed scurvy and hypoglycaemia.

Each one of these hip hop giants continued to chase the dream.

LL Cool J raps about the Commodore Amiga 500. He punched out his own mother and is now on life-support, after getting his face smashed by a comically oversized mallet in an attempt to rob Leo Gallagher. Bob Saget is the poster boy for impoverished inner-city youth. Kardinal Offishall never made it out of Scarborough, instead he took up a position at Apple Auto Glass, replacing windshields. He travels to Kingston once a month to take an amphibious tour of the Thousand Islands.

They are still keeping it real.

Akon never went to jail and the Fugees never got big. Wyclef renounced his Haitian citizenship and moved to New York to sell fake hats at Times Square. Ol Dirty Bastard is a certified management accountant at a prominent Illinois law firm. In his spare time he donates to numerous charities and volunteers at the welfare office. His shuffleboard partner is Martin Landau. South Central Los Angeles has just experienced an economic boom.

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